My Faith So Far
Comments(1) My Faith So Far
A Story of Conversion and Confusion
by Patton Dodd
Two aspects of this autobiography stood out to me: Patton’s awkward
testimony and description of his experiences at Oral Roberts
University. The descriptions of ORU are very familiar and very
accurately capture the experiences students have while attending. His
descriptions of chapel, classes, wing devotionals, revival services,
symbolic architecture, "name it, claim it" prosperity theology,
missionaries’ kids, overwhelmingly conservative politics, and 11th hour
tuition payment miracles are similar to what most students observe.
Some students happily attend classes and readily embrace the school’s
teachings. Others proceed more cautiously. Many start asking serious
questions. And a few entirely abandon everything resembling their
previous beliefs. After seeing the blind faith, contradictory logic,
and hypocrisy displayed by many other students, Patton’s beliefs are
sent into a free fall:
When the bottom falls out, you fantasize about what life might be like
if you had no faith. You could smoke pot without guilt. You could read
whatever you want to read and see whatever you want to see. You could
experiment with alternative lifestyles. You could have sex with
multiple partners. You could make the most of life here on Earth,
pursue fame and wealth. You could vote Democrat. You could spend all
your time playing Frisbee golf.When the bottom falls out, you want to reconstruct it however you can.
You think that the best days of your life were the day you believed
with full, complete, unmitigated faith. You long for those days. You
want a return to them. But they are gone, and you fear they are never
coming back.
Many students at ORU encounter the thought process and deconstruction
of faith Patton describes. Relating the experience of attending this
school for four years (or even one year) to others is somewhat
difficult. At church, you can avoid or tolerate people you disagree
with, but this is harder to do in an environment where you are forced
to live with them all day long. You notice more faults, cliches, and
flimsy arguments supporting your beliefs. The results do not always
lead back to stronger faith.
Towards the beginning of the book, Patton’s testimony is more chilling
than relatable. He flatly describes the meticulous planning of his
conversion from evenings of marijuana and beer to mornings of Bible
study and prayer. This isn’t a familiar "crisis point" or "something
missing" testimony you would see on The 700 Club. His decision seems
more like one you make to take up yoga or the South Beach Diet:
something you do to improve an aspect of your life, rather than
dramatically change your reason for getting up in the morning.
In launching this decision, he finds himself at a charismatic
megachurch; quite different than the Southern Baptist congregation he
attended with his parents as a child. Teachings and worship here
convince Patton that emotional sacrifice is an integral part of
Christianity. He isn’t instantly comfortable with this, but accepts it
and joins in. His newfound faith grows as he picks up the mannerisms
and peculiarities of the congregation. As he seeks to continue this
growth, he transfers out of community college and enrolls at ORU, where
a whole new chapter of his testimony begins.
As an ORU alum, the only thing I found odd about the book was Patton’s
account of the school’s extensive set of rules. It is surprisingly
short (one and a half pages), considering the controversial
authoritarian enforcement style employed by the administration. Since
Patton was very idealistic at the time of the recounted Honor Code
chapel, these rules were not a major issue for him. Had he stayed
longer than a year, this portion his book would probably have been significantly
longer.
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